Testing was never my forte. In Jr. High I was at Milton Academy, only because of my stepfather’s family. My Grandfather had been headmaster and my uncle Phil taught there. My mother distanced herself from the Perry family after David’s death and my thinking back then was that I would see more of the family that liked me than if I went to another school.

Windsor was an all girls school in Boston and my mother’s cousin taught there. Language arts, which I sucked at, and being with a bunch of girls was not my thing. Then I looked at Dana Hall known as “Dana Call Girls”, again an all girls school, so screw that, Milton was my get closer to my step father’s family and most importantly my grandmother Emilie Sturt Perry, aka Nana. She made the best shortbread.

I was accepted because of my connection, not because of my brain, plus there was enough funding so full tuition. Turned out, I did well in some subjects, but failed miserably in others so that they tested me and finally came up with dyslexic. Really not rocket science since my mother has a bit of it, her mother as well.

Testing was done in a “blue book” and always with a fountain pen. At the beginning of any test, the books were handed out, questions on the board and you were expected to write in cursive with a fountain pen. In the 70’s you could get one with plastic ink containers so that the mess wasn’t as bad as if you had to fill the pen up by dipping the pen nib into an ink jar. Ball point pens were for losers and idiots. We didn’t have computers or spell check. I failed Latin with a 40.

Lucky for me that after I was diagnosed, I was able to go to an outward bound type summer camp called Proctor’s Wilderness Challenge. It was modeled after OB but after climbing the cliff or riding the river in a kayak, you would read and write and talk about your actual thoughts. Spelling wasn’t the main thing, what you thought was. How did you feel about the book, what was confusing, what did you relate to?

I was lucky to finish up the last three years of high school at Proctor where I learned how I learned and I went from Dare to be True to Live to Learn and Learn to Live – mottos of each of the schools.

Proctor didn’t have computers for everyday classes, but we were taught to type, which turns out to be a skill where I make less mistakes. Now with auto correct and spell check, it is hard to tell how dyslexic I really am. That is until I started to study for the flip’n SCA exam for APBCC-HPC credentialing as a chaplain.

I will break that down: Healthcare Chaplaincy has a Spiritual Care Division that provides evidence based training, which if you can pass the virtual exam and the 100 question exam, you are considered a certified chaplain. There are different levels, CC= certified chaplain ( Don’t have to have an M.div). BCC= board certified chaplain. APBCC= Advanced Practice Board Certified Chaplain and then add some HPC= hospice, Palliative Care as a specialist. There are other divisions of chaplaincy, but here is the point. You take the exam, pass and then yearly you have to have continuing education and every 5 years take the 100 question exam and pass to keep certification.

Social workers, teachers, and other professions require continued education, but not retaking the flipping test.

So I am due to have the test completed by the end of this year. Up until July I was the Associate Director of Credentialing and Certification, so one might think I got this. However, this is where the dyslexia kicks in. The 100 question exam takes about 6 months to study and relearn all the evidence based academics that wrote white papers and foundational papers on chaplaincy with multisyllabic verbiage. UGH. I can’t remember street names on a good day, let alone remember who said what about management vs. leadership in a health care setting.

Example: When raising spiritual/religious issues and making sure those dimensions are integrated into care, what leadership skills are essential when working with other institutional leaders? A: Assertiveness, negotiations, and the ability to use medical language. B: sensitivity, clarity, and sense of the need of other team members. C. Detailed oriented, precision and decisiveness. D. Thoughtfulness ,corporation, and diplomacy.

My dyslexic brain says all of the above, which is wrong. I would like to think D, but that is wrong. B seems reasonable and A is what I find at work.

None of this really has an impact on the patients I see because what they are looking for is someone who has empathy and can get down into the hole of the soul with them at the end of life. Can I walk with them during the worst time of saying good bye to their mother or father. Can I be someone who is able to hold the pain or someone who can recite the theories of chaplaincy.

I took the test earlier in the year to see which questions I needed to study. I failed with a 60 without studying. Then I looked at where I messed up and it had to do with the wording of questions with double negatives. Now I am doing something that is totally unlike me: doing this as open book. something I never did in high school, college or graduate school. But I am told this is open book, so bring it on Six Lean Stigma for hospitals, I got a ton of flash cards.