I have been doing ok with self care. First few days I could smell the chemicals coming out, napped when I was tired, and basically stayed in my PJ’s so I wouldn’t do any chores or “over do it”. I have been accused of that and don’t really want Bonnie my HSRN to give out to me.

I called my Dr. Monday afternoon to get info on followup treatments. she had gone home and they were not booking until January. FMLA (Fuck my life a-hole) is somewhat of a help because technically they can’t fire me and I continue to “earn” CTO ( collective time off) when I an out. However, the income I receive or benefits I have worked for do not keep up with what I have actually put in at the agency.

Yesterday I was so frustrated on trying other get the follow up care. I called my provider, got her scheduler who was no help but grew frustrated when I asked her to get the message to the Dr. Then I called the local urologist up here and played phone tag most of the day to hear the same message. We have no openings until January.

Now I have one pitch left. I see Dr. J on the 5th, and she will do one treatment. I have that one shot to get her to move the schedule so that I can get the rest of the treatments done before the new year. If not, I return to work on the 9th and then when will have to hake January and maybe a week of February off of work. I won’t have CTO and will be in the new insurance cycle, which means that one treatment will basically eat up any deductible. This is if it is covered.

So at this point, I am letting go and letting G-D run the show. I will take care of what I can to. Advocate for myself until I get frustrated then leave it lay where Jesus flang it. Maybe I can heal without treatment better if I take it low and slow.

Time to check in with EPA, a benefit of the company where I can vent to a stranger about the stuff going on. Then on to my knitting. Write some more and get ready for a zoom meeting this afternoon. Maybe if energy is there I will put the skies on an do a small loop outside the house and feel the cold air in my lungs.

I am programed to plan, as I read what I just wrote, I see that I fall back into the pattern of planning. Scratch that. I think I am going to follow my whims today.