I hate tests. I will qualify that: I failed Latin with a 40, failed Spanish 2x and my mother was a Spanish teacher. Failed my first driver’s test. Took three times to pass this one, but I did and Thanks Be to G-D! I won’t have to take the test again for 5 years. Tests that require me to remember authors, words, double negative sentences and multiple guess questions are not for dyslexics.

Ask me to write some systematic theology on the Lord’s prayers, say 20k words, no problem. That is not a test, that is reasoning. A test is like a crayfish trap that you set with lard and toss in for the poor crustacean climbs in and has no idea how to get back out. Tests have nothing to do with how smart I am or what I know. They are a trick, a set up to see if you speak the same language as the ivory tower guy who does not live in the real world. Do you want me to memorize something or to know something?

Now to be fair, the Spiritual Care Associate and Healthcare Chaplaincy do have the highest bar for evidence based chaplaincy. There are so many white papers on it I could puke. And if you want to be a board certified chaplain, there are actual practical things that you should know: what is HIPAA, why are interdisciplinary teams important, how you should write a care plan and basic ethics. However, the art of chaplaincy takes a lot longer to learn and is not surface material that one can hold in the fontal cortex, but is deep wisdom that is found in the soul. One must know one’s bias and one must be tested in stressful times to rise to the place where one can give compassionate presence.

Knowing how to be with those who are in the darkness of life and question the existence of it all, those who have a hole in the soul, a wound that is so deep, that can not be fixed, but can be seen, heard and most importantly felt by the chaplain, now that is art that one can not measure with a 100 question multiple answer test.

That is why there is a second part to being board certified and that is actually being observed and reviewed as you apply your craft to a “patient” in a simulated patient exam. You only have to do that once and you get three tries and if you don’t pass, you have to go back and take more CPE (clinical pastoral Education) units. The 100 question test you can take a bunch of times, not sure how many, but you have to take it every 5 years. Plus you for APBCC-HPC ( fancy pants for Advanced Practice Board Certified Chaplain- Hospice, Palliative Care, there are some 45 continued education credits you have to complete every year.

Social workers, Doctors, Lawyers, and even ordained pastors and priests only have one “test”. They should keep studying annually, but they don’t have to take another frick’n test every 5 years.

I am 60. I won’t have to do this again until I am 65 and by then maybe they will grandmother me in. God willing and the creek don’t rise. This one nearly killed me, took 3 times to pass. But pass I did.